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One of the most wrenching problems I encounter is working with people or teams who are demoralized because of the behaviors of the person they work for. It’s even worse when those behaviors are a reflection of their organization’s leadership and culture. So why are bosses toxic? Why are they…
An expression I detest is “I can speak for everyone when I say…” Why is it assumed that you can speak for everyone in a group, or that everyone shares your preferences and opinions? This is an example of self-appointed decision making. A self-appointed decision maker, be it an individual…
The US Treasury, in selecting a woman to feature on the planned redesign of the $20 bill, was inundated with candidates whose contributions to our nation were pivotal if not monumental. As our team considered the women whose stories inspire us, it was much the same. We decided to share…
Reading not only expands your knowledge but can also stimulate the imagination, foster empathy, reduce stress and improve communication skills – all great benefits for anyone engaging in conflict conversations. What books are you planning to read this year and why? Here are some books our team has on their…
To change the mind of other people you must be open to changing your own mind first. If others cannot observe that you are willing to change at all, they are going to hold onto their beliefs tighter. But changing your own mind doesn’t mean that you have to stop…
In our professional field, we engage in a practice of reflection to support continual learning and development. Reflection is also a valuable way to learn from mistakes, gain perspective, generate ideas and acknowledge and celebrate achievements. As we close the year, our team has come together to share their reflections…
Last month my colleague posted a blog and hosted a webinar exploring the question of whether the language we use to talk about conflict limits the outcomes in conflict resolution and whether the term Conflict Engagement might open more possibilities. This subject, combined with some very unsatisfactory recent mediations, has…
Having been a mediator for nearly eleven years, I can’t say that I have seen it all, but I’ve certainly found myself amid plenty of intense conflicts. I’ve sat calmly at a table while people a foot away from me stood screaming into each other’s faces, or pounded on the…
Listening or active silence is like a “wonder drug” for communication. Staying silent but attentive to conversations, staying curious and asking questions to draw out others and clarify meaning, and sharing our own views as a reflection of what has been said, opens new possibilities. It helps people feel their…
In this quiet month of August, it’s a good time to reconsider the art and practice of listening. Let’s kick it off with a proposal to update the phrase “Active Listening” to “Deep Listening” or listening to understand. This differs from the transactional way we too often listen when, rather…